The following message, with “Get Back to Me Urgently” on the subject line, made its way to my Inbox today.
Today at 3:42 AM
Greeting to you. My name is Mr.Michael Jones. I work in a bank in the United Kingdom. I will need your assistance in this business transaction. I would need your assistance in applying for the next of kin to my Late customer, who died of a kidney failure after years of struggling with the disease. He was a wealthy Business man who deposited a huge amount in our bank. He died without any registered next of kin as he was a divorcee and had no child. On your confirmation of this message and indicating your interest, I will furnish you with more details. Please endeavor to provide me the following in your reply:
1.Your Full Name:
2.Your Contact Address:
I urgently hope to get your response as soon as possible.
Now who wouldn’t be excited by a possible windfall! So, faster than one could shout SCAM, I replied right back:
How nice of you to think of me as a possible next of kin to your ‘Late customer.’ I didn’t realize, until now, that I might have some British blood running in my all too Asian veins.
You asked me to get back to you urgently, so I’m doing that, but not without these reservations:
- Your client was a wealthy man with huge deposits in your bank—yet he had no immediate kith and kin? But rich men are supposed to have many friends, and even more relatives. Thus, am I right in assuming that you sent the same letter to a thousand others, at least?
- You asked me to provide some details, including my age. FYI, my chronological, physical, and imagined ages do not match. My physical body says I’m older than my real age, though I’ve been quite successful in imagining that I’m forever 21! So, which one is it?
Please get back to me with these clarifications. No need to hurry.
In the meantime, Mr. Michael Jones, do send my regards to Jack!